Shrink Review

What is this Shrink I hear you cry? I see no such film in cinemas! Have you completely lost your reason Garreth?!? Well watching Shrink I almost did lose my reason (more on that to follow) but no, thanks to my editor-in-chief, I got to see a preview screening. Shrink is released on June 4th. Make sure you’re busy with something else that weekend.

Shrink tells the story of Henry Carter (Kevin Spacey) psychiatrist to the stars and, well, everyone else in Hollywood too. His wife has recently committed suicide (having seen the film presumably) and Henry is self medicating on dope, unable to sleep in the bed he shared with his wife and pretty much useless to any of his patients. His family try an intervention which he scoffs at, this is a man who is HURTING. Okay? He’s IN PAIN. Got it? Okay, good. So here we are in our single protagonist’s shoes for a character study. That is, until we meet Patrick (Dallas Roberts) a hotshot agent and OCD Hypochondriac and one of Henry’s patients of course. He has an assistant Daisy (Pell James) who is pregnant (surrogate for her sister), put down by her boss and has dreams of becoming a producer. She starts seeing a writer Jeremy (Mark Webber) who is sensitive and talented and basically a good guy but is ruthless because he is friends with Henry and steals the file of a young and troubled patient Jemma (Keke Palmer) whose Mother recently committed suicide and whose life Jeremy reckons would make a great movie. Best of all though is Shamus. Ah Shamus. Where have you been all my life? Shamus is an Irish (“Irish”) actor who is clearly, in no way, absolutely NOT meant to be Colin Farrell despite his drug problems and self proclaimed big cock. Shamus, by the way, is represented by the hotshot hypochondriac. So now we’re not in a single protagonist film, this is clearly a multi protagonist film a la 21 Gramms or Babel. Except that Spacey gets most of the screen time, but not so much that it feels naturally like it’s his story. So what’s going on? Everyone in the film is linked, everyone in the film is troubled and tormented and everyone in the cinema is fucking comatose.

There is a lot going on in Shrink (and I actually haven’t mentioned all the characters; just take my word for it, you have the picture) and, with all that happening, here is the one thought that occupied my mind for most of the film’s running time. The director’s name is Jonas Pate. Now, is “Pate” pronounced like “Tate” in Catherine Tate? Or is it pronounced like the delicious spread that goes so well on toast? Mushroom, goose liver and so many other varieties? I SO hope it’s the later. “Hi everyone, I’m Jonas Pate” Awesome.

This film is dreadful. It’s puddle deep, the characters skimming the surface of issues that could and should be interesting but which are dealt with in the most shallow and tepid way possible. What doesn’t help is the fact that many of these people are utterly vacuous, shallow and intensely dislikeable so why should I give a shit about any of them? Not only that but the film is horribly, persistently, offensively contrived. The only sympathetic character is the young girl Jemma who has tragically lost her Mother and who still has a passion for the movies that the people either working in Hollywood or trying to get into Hollywood have long forgotten. Jemma is not the typical patient for Dr Spacey so how does the story get her to him?

1. Spacey’s Dad (Robert Loggia) is also a shrink.

Okay that’s a tad convenient but I’ll go with you.

2. Spacey’s Dad is deeply worried about his son and organises the family together to have an intervention to try and get Spacey into rehab.

Right… I don’t see how this is connected but okay I’ll buy that.

3. When Spacey angrily refuses the idea of rehab, Spacey’s Dad gives Spacey Jemma’s file and tells him to treat her.

Right okay…wait, what?

A trained psychiatrist is giving a drug user the file of an emotionally damaged, bereaved and traumatised 14 YEAR OLD GIRL… because it might be good for him??? It might help him get over his own problems and sort out his drug habit??? What the fuck?!?! “Well it was worth a try. She’s such a troubled girl I was sure it would bring him out of his depression. But it didn’t work. Oh well.” “How is the girl doing?” “Who? How is who doing?” This is just WRONG! This is a freight train to the groin wrong, i.e. it shouldn't happen!!! This is the worst example. But characters spend the whole film bumping into each other, happening to know each other, dropping things on the ground just as the character who shouldn’t find it, does find it… Even if the characters were engaging or the stories interesting the plotting is so thunderously lazy that it would take you out of the film anyway. As it is it’s just another example of how bad the film as a whole is.

Spacey has made a career out of characters who are cynical, intelligent and witty and the idea of him playing a messed up shrink is great. But this is a film without intelligence, depth and, maybe this is just my cynicism, but it actually felt that Pate and writer Thomas Moffett were exploiting the kinds of themes and the kinds of issues and the kinds of films they’ve seen before to create something meaningful, rather than just trying to create something meaningful. Actually forget meaningful, how about something interesting?

Shrink is cinematic rohipnol. I was forced into unconsciousness and woke up at the end of it not knowing what had happened but knowing for certain it wasn’t good. June 4th folks. Remember the date. And for the love of God, avoid the cinema.

1/10

(I REALLY want to give it 0/10 but I feel I should save my first 0/10 review for something that’s actually offensive)