The Summer is here!!! Whoo!!! It’s blockbuster season and first out of the blocks is Iron Man 2. Tony Stark is BACK! Wealthy, adored, witty, pithy, charming, disarming and that’s before he suits up and kicks ass and…
Oh who am I kidding, I didn’t like it.
It’s six months since Tony Stark came out as Iron Man and, in his own words, he has “privatised world peace.” The element powering his heart and keeping him alive is also slowly poisoning him and he has been unable to find a replacement power source. The U.S. Senate is trying to get him to hand over the Iron Man weapon but he is successfully deflecting them, mainly, it would seem, on charm and sarcasm alone. Returning from the original are faithful secretary and love interest Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) and his long suffering army buddy Rhodes (Don Cheadle replacing Terence Howard) . Newcomers are Ivan Vanko a.k.a. Whiplash (Mickey Rourke) who is hell bent on Stark’s/Iron Man’s demise due to a personal vendetta, Natalie Rushman a.k.a. Natasha Romanoff a.k.a. Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) a SHIELD operative under cover as a Stark Industries employee and the thankfully singularly named Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell) a rival arms dealer and wannabe Tony Stark who takes Whiplash under his wing to create an army of Iron Men to render the original obsolete and ruin Stark’s legacy.
As you can see there is a lot going on in Iron Man 2. Which makes it even more strange how, after about half an hour, the film keels over and dies. For the first 15 minutes or so it’s business as usual. Fast talking Stark talks fast, acts cool, flirts with Pepper Potts yada yada yada. At this point comes the film’s best sequence by a mile where Stark goes to the Monaco Grand Prix and ends up in the race. Here, Whiplash makes his entrance, his electric whips cutting through metal with ease, sending race cars flying and devastating Stark in front of the world. It’s a really fun sequence, it feels like something different, it’s well directed by returning director Jon Favreau and there are several cool little moments, my favourite being Mickey Rourke, his electric whips crackling, walking the wrong way up the middle of the track as race cars zoom past him. When Stark turns into Iron Man the expectation is an epic battle and here the sequence falls short; the build up is way better than the payoff but, that aside, the film felt for a moment that it might become a fun, Summer blockbuster. And then it flatlines. Completely. The problem is that Iron Man 2 is completely aimless, totally directionless. It has nothing driving it and nowhere to go. It basically spends the next hour waiting for the finale. Which, you know, isn’t brilliant really. This is best described by what happens to Rourke’s character. Having unleashed a fun villain and a credible threat to Iron Man, what happens? He spends the next hour in a warehouse building stuff; welding, typing on his computer, waiting to be released again for the finale. Imagine if, in The Dark Knight, when The Joker was caught and captured he hadn’t escaped and had sat in jail waiting to be let out for the finale. It’s the same thing. The film doesn’t know what to do with him because it doesn’t know what it’s doing or where it’s going.
The middle hour is completely flat. Characters yabber at each other about nothing and the whole film is resting on Robert Downey Junior’s charisma. There is actually very little Iron Man in the film and while one could argue that Tony Stark is more interesting than Bruce Wayne, Bruce Banner or Peter Parker, ultimately we are there to see their superhero alter egos, not their normal personas. One or two individual moments work reasonably well, Stark getting drunk at his birthday for example because he believes he won’t live to see another. But these moments are exactly that; moments. Individually they are insufficient and collectively they don’t add up to anything. The issue of Stark being slowly poisoned seems to be the driving force for the film but the way it resolves is massively anti-climactic, way too easy and totally lacking in drama. On top of that, it never really impacts on the story. Stark as Iron Man is always able to fight and fly and do whatever he has to so we never really feel the threat of the poison. Add to that the fact that the main villain spends his time building robots and the other villain is pretending not to be a villain and you have a film completely devoid of threat, tension and interest. There was talk of the script being rushed through because of the writer’s strike and the film basically being made up as they went along and that would go a long way to explaining the problems with Iron Man 2. By the time the finale comes it’s too little too late. There are a couple of nice action moments but it ultimately comes down to CGI metal men clanging each other across the head and, well, I guess that just doesn’t do it for me. There is a wonderful line in The Dark Knight when the Joker asks Batman (and this is paraphrasing) if he really thought he would let the battle for Gotham’s soul come down to a fist fight between them. It’s a terrific idea and it’s something these superhero films could try and incorporate into their stories. Your hero is made of metal so your villain also has to be made of metal, and be bigger presumably, but where can you really go with that? Have all the action and special effects you want but be clever and do something different with your story and its finale.
I’m not a comic book fan and I never read Iron Man so most of the references and in jokes will be lost on me. I’m sure the geeks will get off on things I didn’t spot, although I did get one. And I was very proud! Much of what’s in Iron Man 2 of course is also set up for Marvel’s Avengers movie coming in 2012. There are 2 scenes with Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury, both of which are redundant in this film, but which serve to remind us of the broader universe Iron Man is operating in. Also, Scarlett Johansson gets a fight scene of her own that’s quite good fun and, just for a moment, watching her in her figure hugging leather outfit, I could empathise with straight guys and lesbians; she really is hot. But none of this helps Iron Man 2 which, tries to be bigger and better than its predecessor and for a moment succeeds, but in the end settles for being at best more of the same and at worst not as good.
4.5/10
Friday 30 April 2010
Thursday 29 April 2010
Shrink Review
What is this Shrink I hear you cry? I see no such film in cinemas! Have you completely lost your reason Garreth?!? Well watching Shrink I almost did lose my reason (more on that to follow) but no, thanks to my editor-in-chief, I got to see a preview screening. Shrink is released on June 4th. Make sure you’re busy with something else that weekend.
Shrink tells the story of Henry Carter (Kevin Spacey) psychiatrist to the stars and, well, everyone else in Hollywood too. His wife has recently committed suicide (having seen the film presumably) and Henry is self medicating on dope, unable to sleep in the bed he shared with his wife and pretty much useless to any of his patients. His family try an intervention which he scoffs at, this is a man who is HURTING. Okay? He’s IN PAIN. Got it? Okay, good. So here we are in our single protagonist’s shoes for a character study. That is, until we meet Patrick (Dallas Roberts) a hotshot agent and OCD Hypochondriac and one of Henry’s patients of course. He has an assistant Daisy (Pell James) who is pregnant (surrogate for her sister), put down by her boss and has dreams of becoming a producer. She starts seeing a writer Jeremy (Mark Webber) who is sensitive and talented and basically a good guy but is ruthless because he is friends with Henry and steals the file of a young and troubled patient Jemma (Keke Palmer) whose Mother recently committed suicide and whose life Jeremy reckons would make a great movie. Best of all though is Shamus. Ah Shamus. Where have you been all my life? Shamus is an Irish (“Irish”) actor who is clearly, in no way, absolutely NOT meant to be Colin Farrell despite his drug problems and self proclaimed big cock. Shamus, by the way, is represented by the hotshot hypochondriac. So now we’re not in a single protagonist film, this is clearly a multi protagonist film a la 21 Gramms or Babel. Except that Spacey gets most of the screen time, but not so much that it feels naturally like it’s his story. So what’s going on? Everyone in the film is linked, everyone in the film is troubled and tormented and everyone in the cinema is fucking comatose.
There is a lot going on in Shrink (and I actually haven’t mentioned all the characters; just take my word for it, you have the picture) and, with all that happening, here is the one thought that occupied my mind for most of the film’s running time. The director’s name is Jonas Pate. Now, is “Pate” pronounced like “Tate” in Catherine Tate? Or is it pronounced like the delicious spread that goes so well on toast? Mushroom, goose liver and so many other varieties? I SO hope it’s the later. “Hi everyone, I’m Jonas Pate” Awesome.
This film is dreadful. It’s puddle deep, the characters skimming the surface of issues that could and should be interesting but which are dealt with in the most shallow and tepid way possible. What doesn’t help is the fact that many of these people are utterly vacuous, shallow and intensely dislikeable so why should I give a shit about any of them? Not only that but the film is horribly, persistently, offensively contrived. The only sympathetic character is the young girl Jemma who has tragically lost her Mother and who still has a passion for the movies that the people either working in Hollywood or trying to get into Hollywood have long forgotten. Jemma is not the typical patient for Dr Spacey so how does the story get her to him?
1. Spacey’s Dad (Robert Loggia) is also a shrink.
Okay that’s a tad convenient but I’ll go with you.
2. Spacey’s Dad is deeply worried about his son and organises the family together to have an intervention to try and get Spacey into rehab.
Right… I don’t see how this is connected but okay I’ll buy that.
3. When Spacey angrily refuses the idea of rehab, Spacey’s Dad gives Spacey Jemma’s file and tells him to treat her.
Right okay…wait, what?
A trained psychiatrist is giving a drug user the file of an emotionally damaged, bereaved and traumatised 14 YEAR OLD GIRL… because it might be good for him??? It might help him get over his own problems and sort out his drug habit??? What the fuck?!?! “Well it was worth a try. She’s such a troubled girl I was sure it would bring him out of his depression. But it didn’t work. Oh well.” “How is the girl doing?” “Who? How is who doing?” This is just WRONG! This is a freight train to the groin wrong, i.e. it shouldn't happen!!! This is the worst example. But characters spend the whole film bumping into each other, happening to know each other, dropping things on the ground just as the character who shouldn’t find it, does find it… Even if the characters were engaging or the stories interesting the plotting is so thunderously lazy that it would take you out of the film anyway. As it is it’s just another example of how bad the film as a whole is.
Spacey has made a career out of characters who are cynical, intelligent and witty and the idea of him playing a messed up shrink is great. But this is a film without intelligence, depth and, maybe this is just my cynicism, but it actually felt that Pate and writer Thomas Moffett were exploiting the kinds of themes and the kinds of issues and the kinds of films they’ve seen before to create something meaningful, rather than just trying to create something meaningful. Actually forget meaningful, how about something interesting?
Shrink is cinematic rohipnol. I was forced into unconsciousness and woke up at the end of it not knowing what had happened but knowing for certain it wasn’t good. June 4th folks. Remember the date. And for the love of God, avoid the cinema.
1/10
(I REALLY want to give it 0/10 but I feel I should save my first 0/10 review for something that’s actually offensive)
Shrink tells the story of Henry Carter (Kevin Spacey) psychiatrist to the stars and, well, everyone else in Hollywood too. His wife has recently committed suicide (having seen the film presumably) and Henry is self medicating on dope, unable to sleep in the bed he shared with his wife and pretty much useless to any of his patients. His family try an intervention which he scoffs at, this is a man who is HURTING. Okay? He’s IN PAIN. Got it? Okay, good. So here we are in our single protagonist’s shoes for a character study. That is, until we meet Patrick (Dallas Roberts) a hotshot agent and OCD Hypochondriac and one of Henry’s patients of course. He has an assistant Daisy (Pell James) who is pregnant (surrogate for her sister), put down by her boss and has dreams of becoming a producer. She starts seeing a writer Jeremy (Mark Webber) who is sensitive and talented and basically a good guy but is ruthless because he is friends with Henry and steals the file of a young and troubled patient Jemma (Keke Palmer) whose Mother recently committed suicide and whose life Jeremy reckons would make a great movie. Best of all though is Shamus. Ah Shamus. Where have you been all my life? Shamus is an Irish (“Irish”) actor who is clearly, in no way, absolutely NOT meant to be Colin Farrell despite his drug problems and self proclaimed big cock. Shamus, by the way, is represented by the hotshot hypochondriac. So now we’re not in a single protagonist film, this is clearly a multi protagonist film a la 21 Gramms or Babel. Except that Spacey gets most of the screen time, but not so much that it feels naturally like it’s his story. So what’s going on? Everyone in the film is linked, everyone in the film is troubled and tormented and everyone in the cinema is fucking comatose.
There is a lot going on in Shrink (and I actually haven’t mentioned all the characters; just take my word for it, you have the picture) and, with all that happening, here is the one thought that occupied my mind for most of the film’s running time. The director’s name is Jonas Pate. Now, is “Pate” pronounced like “Tate” in Catherine Tate? Or is it pronounced like the delicious spread that goes so well on toast? Mushroom, goose liver and so many other varieties? I SO hope it’s the later. “Hi everyone, I’m Jonas Pate” Awesome.
This film is dreadful. It’s puddle deep, the characters skimming the surface of issues that could and should be interesting but which are dealt with in the most shallow and tepid way possible. What doesn’t help is the fact that many of these people are utterly vacuous, shallow and intensely dislikeable so why should I give a shit about any of them? Not only that but the film is horribly, persistently, offensively contrived. The only sympathetic character is the young girl Jemma who has tragically lost her Mother and who still has a passion for the movies that the people either working in Hollywood or trying to get into Hollywood have long forgotten. Jemma is not the typical patient for Dr Spacey so how does the story get her to him?
1. Spacey’s Dad (Robert Loggia) is also a shrink.
Okay that’s a tad convenient but I’ll go with you.
2. Spacey’s Dad is deeply worried about his son and organises the family together to have an intervention to try and get Spacey into rehab.
Right… I don’t see how this is connected but okay I’ll buy that.
3. When Spacey angrily refuses the idea of rehab, Spacey’s Dad gives Spacey Jemma’s file and tells him to treat her.
Right okay…wait, what?
A trained psychiatrist is giving a drug user the file of an emotionally damaged, bereaved and traumatised 14 YEAR OLD GIRL… because it might be good for him??? It might help him get over his own problems and sort out his drug habit??? What the fuck?!?! “Well it was worth a try. She’s such a troubled girl I was sure it would bring him out of his depression. But it didn’t work. Oh well.” “How is the girl doing?” “Who? How is who doing?” This is just WRONG! This is a freight train to the groin wrong, i.e. it shouldn't happen!!! This is the worst example. But characters spend the whole film bumping into each other, happening to know each other, dropping things on the ground just as the character who shouldn’t find it, does find it… Even if the characters were engaging or the stories interesting the plotting is so thunderously lazy that it would take you out of the film anyway. As it is it’s just another example of how bad the film as a whole is.
Spacey has made a career out of characters who are cynical, intelligent and witty and the idea of him playing a messed up shrink is great. But this is a film without intelligence, depth and, maybe this is just my cynicism, but it actually felt that Pate and writer Thomas Moffett were exploiting the kinds of themes and the kinds of issues and the kinds of films they’ve seen before to create something meaningful, rather than just trying to create something meaningful. Actually forget meaningful, how about something interesting?
Shrink is cinematic rohipnol. I was forced into unconsciousness and woke up at the end of it not knowing what had happened but knowing for certain it wasn’t good. June 4th folks. Remember the date. And for the love of God, avoid the cinema.
1/10
(I REALLY want to give it 0/10 but I feel I should save my first 0/10 review for something that’s actually offensive)
Wednesday 28 April 2010
Centurion Review
Some films take you by suprise, for good or bad. Kick Ass is a recent example of a film I expected to dislike and ended up quite enjoying. Other times you expect to enjoy something and end up disappointed (The Wrestler) or absolutely gutted (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull. There IS no fourth film.) And then there are the films that do exactly, precisely, with zero deviation, what you think they are going to do. Welcome to the Centurion review.
The normally excellent Michael Fassbender plays Quintas Dias, the titular Centuron, whose battalion of Roman soldiers invading Britain is slaughtered by the native Picts early on in the film. Dias is captured but escapes and joins up with the Roman 9th Legion who are also wiped out save for Dias and four or five others. They are hunted by mute Pict tracker Olga Kurylenko and her crew and it is at this point that Centurion settles into being a chase movie. A very long chase movie.
To its credit, Centurion is a film that looks and feels bigger than it actually is. I would imagine the budget for the film was fairly low, very low by the standards of most movies of this genre, and for the most part the film succeeds in not being hampered by that issue. The film makes good use of its locations and the tough Scottish landscape with its cold, wet climate and much of the photography is stunning. But, in the end, who cares? Not me. Maybe had Centurion been a brisk, get-in-and-get-out, 85/90 minute job I could have gone with it. Though that said, a manageable running time didn't help my lack of enjoyment of Apocalypto, Centurion's spiritual cousin. As it is, the film takes what feels like an age to do very little. Michael Fassbender is one of my favourite young actors, not "British" actors as he is so often called by the way; he is Irish. I'm just saying. His work in Eden Lake, Fish Tank and in particular his stunning portrayal of Bobby Sands in Hunger have set him apart as an actor of considerable talent. Here though he is given very little to get his teeth into other than the film's many, many fight sequences. While he aquits himself well in these scenes, there is never any real sense of growth as he goes from centurion to General and, weirdly, I never really believed him as a leader of men. Fassbender is supported by The Wire's Dominic West who seems to have forgotten how to act, David Morrissey who I'm not sure has ever known how to act, Noel Clarke as a very East London sounding Roman andOlga Kurylenko as the silent but deadly Etain. When your most believeable and charismatic character hasn't got a single line to say you know you're in trouble.
You know exactly what you're going to get from Neil Marshall and I guess there is some comfort in familiarity. There's nothing inherently wrong with a meat and potatoes genre film, but what can I say? I like a spoon of gravy too.
4.5/10
The normally excellent Michael Fassbender plays Quintas Dias, the titular Centuron, whose battalion of Roman soldiers invading Britain is slaughtered by the native Picts early on in the film. Dias is captured but escapes and joins up with the Roman 9th Legion who are also wiped out save for Dias and four or five others. They are hunted by mute Pict tracker Olga Kurylenko and her crew and it is at this point that Centurion settles into being a chase movie. A very long chase movie.
To its credit, Centurion is a film that looks and feels bigger than it actually is. I would imagine the budget for the film was fairly low, very low by the standards of most movies of this genre, and for the most part the film succeeds in not being hampered by that issue. The film makes good use of its locations and the tough Scottish landscape with its cold, wet climate and much of the photography is stunning. But, in the end, who cares? Not me. Maybe had Centurion been a brisk, get-in-and-get-out, 85/90 minute job I could have gone with it. Though that said, a manageable running time didn't help my lack of enjoyment of Apocalypto, Centurion's spiritual cousin. As it is, the film takes what feels like an age to do very little. Michael Fassbender is one of my favourite young actors, not "British" actors as he is so often called by the way; he is Irish. I'm just saying. His work in Eden Lake, Fish Tank and in particular his stunning portrayal of Bobby Sands in Hunger have set him apart as an actor of considerable talent. Here though he is given very little to get his teeth into other than the film's many, many fight sequences. While he aquits himself well in these scenes, there is never any real sense of growth as he goes from centurion to General and, weirdly, I never really believed him as a leader of men. Fassbender is supported by The Wire's Dominic West who seems to have forgotten how to act, David Morrissey who I'm not sure has ever known how to act, Noel Clarke as a very East London sounding Roman andOlga Kurylenko as the silent but deadly Etain. When your most believeable and charismatic character hasn't got a single line to say you know you're in trouble.
You know exactly what you're going to get from Neil Marshall and I guess there is some comfort in familiarity. There's nothing inherently wrong with a meat and potatoes genre film, but what can I say? I like a spoon of gravy too.
4.5/10
Friday 9 April 2010
Catch Up
You wait months for a post and then they all come together.
I've just realised I've seen a few films that I never reviewed. Some have probably already left the cinema (making the review useful for the DVD release perhaps? No? Fuck yourself!) It's something of a cheat I know but here is a very brief roundup of the films of the last few weeks.
A PROPHET
Best film of the year so far, a gripping, tense thriller that demands your full attention for its considerable running time but rewards you with an adult story that respects your intelligence. Boasting a phenomenol central performance, you watch Malik enter prison a wet behind the ears petty crook and finish the film a criminal boss. Playing alongside this is the decline of the current boss who seems to be played by celebrity TV chef Anthony Wirral Thompson. Despite this minor distraction, A Prophet is a cracking film that's well worth watching... on DVD...
8.5/10
SHUTTER ISLAND
Oh I just don't know... I listened to Mark Kermode's review and he liked it and I understand why but I'm really not sure. It's okay but the ending is so visible, so transparent that I sat there for 2 hours waiting for it to come rather than be engaged by a good story. It's a great setting, a great time period, well acted and Scorsese is clearly having fun behind the camera. I have a problem with much of Denis Lehane's writing and Shutter Island is no exception. In a weird way, it almost isn't pulpy or shlocky enough. That's the territory it's in and seems to be going for but it also feels like it wants to be a legitimate thriller too. I'm just not sure.
5/10
I LOVE YOU PHILIP MORRIS
Low expectations may have helped with this one but I really quite enjoyed I Love You Philip Morris. Jim Carrey is Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor doesn't completely destroy his scenes which, after a run of terrible performances, is a victory. I don't believe either of them are gay and I don't believe them as a couple which should be major stumbling blocks but weirdly I found I was able to go with the film. Also, the film features some pretty egregious gay stereotyping, the best example of which being when Jim Carrey first comes out and we see him dressed in a ludicrous outfit, mincing down the street, latino lover in tow, walking his Paris Hilton-esque dog. As a gay guy, watching scenes like this in films is usually pretty disheartening but I actually don't think the film is being malicious. The story is so ridiculous, so hard to believe (despite being true) that the film makers have gone incredibly broad in their tone so as to sell it to audiences and the the representations of the gay characters is just another example of this. This over the top tone is actually a good ploy and for the most part works. The only down side is a loss of depth of character, so we never really know what drives Carrey to do the outrageous things he does. But the film is very, very funny and has a few surprisingly touching moments.
6.5/10
GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
I'm sure you've all read the book and will be completely unphazed by what I'm about to say but I haven't read the book and so I was really taken aback by how harsh, dark and, well, lurid and mysoginistic the story is. Are we allowed to be mysoginistic again? When did that happen? Whenever you see everyone reading the same book on the tube it's always something very reader-friendly. But this pulls no punches. The story is reasonably engaging, although it goes on for a good 20 minutes after the story has reached its natural conclusion, you can't have better bad guys than the nazis and it confirms one of my longest held beliefs which is that lesbians are terrifying!!! Worth a look but I can't imagine ever going back to it.
5.5/10
A SINGLE MAN
Watching this I thought it's okay but, like a crap soufle, A Single Man disintegrated with one prod of examination. Hmmm.... maybe cooking metaphors aren't for me. Any film that takes gay characters and their relationships seriously is to be applauded but that doesn't necessarily make a good film and I really feel that A Single Man has nowhere near as much depth or significance as it thinks it does. It boasts great performances that lift the film but the fact that every scene is shot like a perfume ad serves to undercut the drama at every turn. Style over substance.
4.5/10
GREEN ZONE
Shit I've seen alot of films I haven't reviewed...
Green Zone was touted as Bourne In Iraq and it kind of is but is no worse off because of it. Paul Greengrass is famous for tearing up the script and with Green Zone he hasn't just torn up the script he has torn up the book the script was based on. Gone is the journalistic polemic of Imperial Life In The Emerald City and in its place is a fast paced thriller that boasts all of Greengrass' "shaky cam" work mixed with his political interests. It's a tough mix but he gets it right and, as the pace of the film never flags, neither do the political points of intrigue and interest. Damon is Damon and is absolutely fine. Brendan Gleeson is a welcome presence in any film, even though he REALLY can't do accents but the star here is Greengrass. Engaging, exciting, just a good, solid thriller.
7/10
And I think that's it. I'll never go so long without reviewing again!
Also, in box office news, I just read that Uma Thurman's new film Motherhood grossed a staggering £88 in England last weekend. Congratulations to all concerned.
I've just realised I've seen a few films that I never reviewed. Some have probably already left the cinema (making the review useful for the DVD release perhaps? No? Fuck yourself!) It's something of a cheat I know but here is a very brief roundup of the films of the last few weeks.
A PROPHET
Best film of the year so far, a gripping, tense thriller that demands your full attention for its considerable running time but rewards you with an adult story that respects your intelligence. Boasting a phenomenol central performance, you watch Malik enter prison a wet behind the ears petty crook and finish the film a criminal boss. Playing alongside this is the decline of the current boss who seems to be played by celebrity TV chef Anthony Wirral Thompson. Despite this minor distraction, A Prophet is a cracking film that's well worth watching... on DVD...
8.5/10
SHUTTER ISLAND
Oh I just don't know... I listened to Mark Kermode's review and he liked it and I understand why but I'm really not sure. It's okay but the ending is so visible, so transparent that I sat there for 2 hours waiting for it to come rather than be engaged by a good story. It's a great setting, a great time period, well acted and Scorsese is clearly having fun behind the camera. I have a problem with much of Denis Lehane's writing and Shutter Island is no exception. In a weird way, it almost isn't pulpy or shlocky enough. That's the territory it's in and seems to be going for but it also feels like it wants to be a legitimate thriller too. I'm just not sure.
5/10
I LOVE YOU PHILIP MORRIS
Low expectations may have helped with this one but I really quite enjoyed I Love You Philip Morris. Jim Carrey is Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor doesn't completely destroy his scenes which, after a run of terrible performances, is a victory. I don't believe either of them are gay and I don't believe them as a couple which should be major stumbling blocks but weirdly I found I was able to go with the film. Also, the film features some pretty egregious gay stereotyping, the best example of which being when Jim Carrey first comes out and we see him dressed in a ludicrous outfit, mincing down the street, latino lover in tow, walking his Paris Hilton-esque dog. As a gay guy, watching scenes like this in films is usually pretty disheartening but I actually don't think the film is being malicious. The story is so ridiculous, so hard to believe (despite being true) that the film makers have gone incredibly broad in their tone so as to sell it to audiences and the the representations of the gay characters is just another example of this. This over the top tone is actually a good ploy and for the most part works. The only down side is a loss of depth of character, so we never really know what drives Carrey to do the outrageous things he does. But the film is very, very funny and has a few surprisingly touching moments.
6.5/10
GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
I'm sure you've all read the book and will be completely unphazed by what I'm about to say but I haven't read the book and so I was really taken aback by how harsh, dark and, well, lurid and mysoginistic the story is. Are we allowed to be mysoginistic again? When did that happen? Whenever you see everyone reading the same book on the tube it's always something very reader-friendly. But this pulls no punches. The story is reasonably engaging, although it goes on for a good 20 minutes after the story has reached its natural conclusion, you can't have better bad guys than the nazis and it confirms one of my longest held beliefs which is that lesbians are terrifying!!! Worth a look but I can't imagine ever going back to it.
5.5/10
A SINGLE MAN
Watching this I thought it's okay but, like a crap soufle, A Single Man disintegrated with one prod of examination. Hmmm.... maybe cooking metaphors aren't for me. Any film that takes gay characters and their relationships seriously is to be applauded but that doesn't necessarily make a good film and I really feel that A Single Man has nowhere near as much depth or significance as it thinks it does. It boasts great performances that lift the film but the fact that every scene is shot like a perfume ad serves to undercut the drama at every turn. Style over substance.
4.5/10
GREEN ZONE
Shit I've seen alot of films I haven't reviewed...
Green Zone was touted as Bourne In Iraq and it kind of is but is no worse off because of it. Paul Greengrass is famous for tearing up the script and with Green Zone he hasn't just torn up the script he has torn up the book the script was based on. Gone is the journalistic polemic of Imperial Life In The Emerald City and in its place is a fast paced thriller that boasts all of Greengrass' "shaky cam" work mixed with his political interests. It's a tough mix but he gets it right and, as the pace of the film never flags, neither do the political points of intrigue and interest. Damon is Damon and is absolutely fine. Brendan Gleeson is a welcome presence in any film, even though he REALLY can't do accents but the star here is Greengrass. Engaging, exciting, just a good, solid thriller.
7/10
And I think that's it. I'll never go so long without reviewing again!
Also, in box office news, I just read that Uma Thurman's new film Motherhood grossed a staggering £88 in England last weekend. Congratulations to all concerned.
Life's Just Too Short
This weekend sees the release of Drew Barrymore's directorial debut.
Just take a second and consider that sentence.
Somebody somewhere in the world woke up one morning and thought to themselves, "I know what should happen. Drew Barrymore should direct a film." This person then gave Drew Barrymore the money to direct a film. This is the world we live in. A world where Avatar makes $2.7 billion ($2.7 BILLION) and Drew Barrymore is allowed to direct films. The film in question is called Whip It and stars Ellen Page of Juno fame (Breathe Garreth, just breathe. Just keep telling yourself, it's only a film. Juno is only a film) and seems to be a coming of age/finding yourself movie set in the world of Roller Derbys.
This does not sound like a good film.
Also out this week is Shelter which is some sort of horror film starring Julianne Moore and Jonathan Rhys Meyers who is as stunningly handsome as he is completely incapable of conveying even the simplest emotions. Which isn't great when your job is to convey a range of emotions, some simple, some complex, sometimes both at the same time. I like to think I'm pretty au fait with film releases and I have never in my life heard of this film.
That is not a good sign.
Also out this week is I Am Love which boasts the most insufferable trailer I've seen in about 5 years. I cannot think of another word I could use that would better describe my reaction upon seeing that trailer ahead of Kick Ass last week. Insufferable.
This is not a good word to use when describing a film trailer.
The point of all this is to say that I won't be going to the cinema this weekend because, as the title of this post makes clear...
Just take a second and consider that sentence.
Somebody somewhere in the world woke up one morning and thought to themselves, "I know what should happen. Drew Barrymore should direct a film." This person then gave Drew Barrymore the money to direct a film. This is the world we live in. A world where Avatar makes $2.7 billion ($2.7 BILLION) and Drew Barrymore is allowed to direct films. The film in question is called Whip It and stars Ellen Page of Juno fame (Breathe Garreth, just breathe. Just keep telling yourself, it's only a film. Juno is only a film) and seems to be a coming of age/finding yourself movie set in the world of Roller Derbys.
This does not sound like a good film.
Also out this week is Shelter which is some sort of horror film starring Julianne Moore and Jonathan Rhys Meyers who is as stunningly handsome as he is completely incapable of conveying even the simplest emotions. Which isn't great when your job is to convey a range of emotions, some simple, some complex, sometimes both at the same time. I like to think I'm pretty au fait with film releases and I have never in my life heard of this film.
That is not a good sign.
Also out this week is I Am Love which boasts the most insufferable trailer I've seen in about 5 years. I cannot think of another word I could use that would better describe my reaction upon seeing that trailer ahead of Kick Ass last week. Insufferable.
This is not a good word to use when describing a film trailer.
The point of all this is to say that I won't be going to the cinema this weekend because, as the title of this post makes clear...
Thursday 8 April 2010
Clash Of The Fucking Titans Review (expect swearing)
What the fuck is up with Liam Neeson's armour in Clash Of The Titans?!?
It's glittery and shiny!! GLITTERY AND SHINY!!! He's fucking Zeus, the king of the fucking Gods, not the Tin Man's retarded cousin. He's wearing the campest, most ridiculous looking costume I've seen in a film since John Boorman had the bright idea to dress Sean Connery in a ponytail, thigh high boots and a red nappy in Zardoz.
http://waxturds.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/zardoz.jpg
I say it again.
What the fuck is up with Liam Neeson's armour?!
It's like the director and costume designer are taking the absolute piss out of him. "You won't believe what Neeson's wearing. Ssshhh here he comes!!" CLANK CLANK CLANK as Neeson lumbers onto set, "Ah, I don't mean to complain but am I seriously going to wear this?" The sheer stupidity of his look renders each moment where he's meant to be thundering away as Zeus unintentionally hilarious. He even has shiny metal gloves! I can't get over it.
I have no intention of wasting my time or yours talking about the film in any serious, meaningful way. It's thuddingly dull, cumbersome, crap, fucking annoying and Sam Worthington proves yet again that he is a blank void that no script or director has yet been able to fill with anything useful. Instead I want to talk about Liam Neeson's costume and Ralph Feinnes' hilariously distracting turn as Hades. Oh it's a VERY long time since Schindler's List, isn't it boys? Feinnes sounds like a cross between Lawrence Olivier and James Mason and, for such a good actor, turns in a performance so staggeringly bad it ends up being absolutely priceless. Is everyone on drugs? What the fuck is up with this film?
I'd love to tell you that the whole film is so bad it's good but without Neeson in the gay Mount Olympus scenes (that include respected actor Danny Huston turning up for 2 shots and one line of dialogue. Cutting room floor perhaps?) and Feinnes swooping around talking about "the kraaaaaken" it would be utterly unbearable. As it is it's crushingly, soul destroyingly dull and all the bits you remember being good from the original, Medusa, Pegasus, the Kraken, crossing the river Styx, are turned to stone thanks to a by-the-numbers script, dreadful acting and terrible directing. Much of the CGI is so bad as to appear unfinished with Medusa in particular looking like she was created by a 12 year old on his Amstrad.
But in the end I left the cinema saying only one thing. What the fuck was up with Neeson's costume?!?
1.5/10 raised to 3/10 thanks to the Neeson/Feinnes double whammy of misjudged lunacy.
It's glittery and shiny!! GLITTERY AND SHINY!!! He's fucking Zeus, the king of the fucking Gods, not the Tin Man's retarded cousin. He's wearing the campest, most ridiculous looking costume I've seen in a film since John Boorman had the bright idea to dress Sean Connery in a ponytail, thigh high boots and a red nappy in Zardoz.
http://waxturds.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/zardoz.jpg
I say it again.
What the fuck is up with Liam Neeson's armour?!
It's like the director and costume designer are taking the absolute piss out of him. "You won't believe what Neeson's wearing. Ssshhh here he comes!!" CLANK CLANK CLANK as Neeson lumbers onto set, "Ah, I don't mean to complain but am I seriously going to wear this?" The sheer stupidity of his look renders each moment where he's meant to be thundering away as Zeus unintentionally hilarious. He even has shiny metal gloves! I can't get over it.
I have no intention of wasting my time or yours talking about the film in any serious, meaningful way. It's thuddingly dull, cumbersome, crap, fucking annoying and Sam Worthington proves yet again that he is a blank void that no script or director has yet been able to fill with anything useful. Instead I want to talk about Liam Neeson's costume and Ralph Feinnes' hilariously distracting turn as Hades. Oh it's a VERY long time since Schindler's List, isn't it boys? Feinnes sounds like a cross between Lawrence Olivier and James Mason and, for such a good actor, turns in a performance so staggeringly bad it ends up being absolutely priceless. Is everyone on drugs? What the fuck is up with this film?
I'd love to tell you that the whole film is so bad it's good but without Neeson in the gay Mount Olympus scenes (that include respected actor Danny Huston turning up for 2 shots and one line of dialogue. Cutting room floor perhaps?) and Feinnes swooping around talking about "the kraaaaaken" it would be utterly unbearable. As it is it's crushingly, soul destroyingly dull and all the bits you remember being good from the original, Medusa, Pegasus, the Kraken, crossing the river Styx, are turned to stone thanks to a by-the-numbers script, dreadful acting and terrible directing. Much of the CGI is so bad as to appear unfinished with Medusa in particular looking like she was created by a 12 year old on his Amstrad.
But in the end I left the cinema saying only one thing. What the fuck was up with Neeson's costume?!?
1.5/10 raised to 3/10 thanks to the Neeson/Feinnes double whammy of misjudged lunacy.
Kick-Ass Review
Long time no post! Watching lots of bad films ALL the time puts one off sitting down to review them. I'm not sure I could do this professionally. So it's with some pleasure that the first review in a long time is a good one.
Kick Ass really surprised me. I went in expecting to dislike it seeing as it's comprised of many elements I normally hate, glorified violence, "cool" "quotable" dialogue, comic book/graphic novel adaptation, the Matthew Vaughn element. Maybe low expectations helped but for whatever reason I thoroughly enjoyed Kick Ass.
The story concerns Dave Lizewski (Nowhere Boy's Aaron Johnson sporting a great American accent) a comic book loving loner whose only super power in his own words is his "invisibility to girls." Dave questions what it would be like to be a superhero for real and wonders why no one has done it before. He goes online, finds a bright green diving costume, and, armed with a pair of nunchucks, starts to fight crime. His first attempt is disastrous and he ends up beaten, stabbed and hit with a car. His injuries result in problems with his nerve endings which mean a higher threshold to pain. Which is just as well as he never really gets any better as a superhero throughout the whole film. The idea of the character of Kick Ass having his ass repeatedly kicked is one of many great running jokes in the film. On his second attempt he discovers that he isn't the only person with this idea. Damon Macready (a fantastic Nicolas Cage. Yes you read that right. A fantastic Nicolas Cage) an ex-cop with a personal vendetta against crime boss Frank D'Amico (current rent-a-villain Mark Strong) has turned himself into the Batman like Big Daddy and has trained his daughter Mindy to become Hit Girl. More on her later... Kick Ass, Big Daddy and Hit Girl join forces to fight crime in a whole manner of knife wielding, bone crunching, profanity laden sequences.
The thing you notice with Kick Ass is its pace. The story moves along, the action is varied and well spaced out, the humour is more or less consistent and coming in at under 2 hours (running time being my new most important criteria for how much I enjoy a film) the film (more or less) doesn't outstay its welcome. The writing (by director Vaughn and Jane Goldman) is smart and the performances are excellent. Johnson is terrific in the lead, unafraid to look the fool or take a beating and when he starts enjoying his youtube fame with his alter ego and lands the girl you feel genuinely happy for him. The film ends up being stolen by Cage who is fun and enjoyable for the first time in what feels like decades, his tics and mannerisms perfectly suited to the heightened world of the film. His vocal cadence as Big Daddy, trying to make himself sound more like a superhero (and clearly channeling Adam West in the process) is hilarious. The violence is very strong and will be viewed by many as reprehensible and immoral. I am no fan of violence for violence's sake but the film manages to be fun, entertaining and genuinely funny. I also think the film is cleverer than I thought it would be and is subversive in a way that really surprised me (and in a way that, for me, Watchmen, a film that covers similar ground, isn't) which is why I could stomach the violence.
Which brings us nicely onto Hit Girl... The first time we see twelve year old Mindy she is being shot at by her Dad who is teaching her what the impact of a bullet feels like and why it's nothing to be scared of. It's a brilliant scene, reminiscent of how a parent might teach their child that riding a bike is nothing to be scared of either. The first time we see her alter ego Hit Girl she skewers a villain with a blade that's about a foot longer than she is and says to the room full of henchmen the following line of dialogue.
"Okay you cunts. Let's see what you can do now"
Clearly you're on shaky ground here and I think many people's enjoyment of the film will depend on how they respond to that character. Personally, I think this comes back to the film's intentions and, while I'm not trying to pretend the film doesn't want you to laugh at this notion and also to find it very cool the way she dispatches bad guys in her many fights, shoots outs and other action scenes, I repeat my opinion that I think the film is cleverer than its surface might have you believe. You DO end up viewing her as an adult and this is brought to the surface in a great joke near the end when a teenager, watching Hit Girl's exploits on the internet comments on how hot she is and he friend replies, "Dude, she's like, 11." This idea of the near sexualisation of violence, the almost fetishisation (if that's a word...) of comic book characters and the violence they mete out is put into an interesting light by making the character a 12 year old girl. I think however that alot of people will be put off by the surface notion of what's happening which is fair enough too. I also think it's a question of tone and the fact that Hit Girl's first fight is put to the Banana Splits theme reveals the kind of world we're operating in.
On a more superficial note the action is superbly done. I can't imagine the film's budget was particularly high, certainly not by the standards of most comic book adaptations anyway, but it never feels cheap or skimped upon. Moreover, the action is varied so you're never bored and brilliantly choreographed and directed by Matthew Vaughn. I've said it before, but watch Transformers 2 for a film that has no clue how to depict its action scenes. Every fight and shoot out in Kick Ass is choreographed, shot and edited so I know exactly where I am at any given moment, making the action all the more thrilling and enjoyable for that.
Raging Bull it ain't then but for a fun, funny piece of entertainment you could do alot worse than see Kick Ass.
7.5/10
Kick Ass really surprised me. I went in expecting to dislike it seeing as it's comprised of many elements I normally hate, glorified violence, "cool" "quotable" dialogue, comic book/graphic novel adaptation, the Matthew Vaughn element. Maybe low expectations helped but for whatever reason I thoroughly enjoyed Kick Ass.
The story concerns Dave Lizewski (Nowhere Boy's Aaron Johnson sporting a great American accent) a comic book loving loner whose only super power in his own words is his "invisibility to girls." Dave questions what it would be like to be a superhero for real and wonders why no one has done it before. He goes online, finds a bright green diving costume, and, armed with a pair of nunchucks, starts to fight crime. His first attempt is disastrous and he ends up beaten, stabbed and hit with a car. His injuries result in problems with his nerve endings which mean a higher threshold to pain. Which is just as well as he never really gets any better as a superhero throughout the whole film. The idea of the character of Kick Ass having his ass repeatedly kicked is one of many great running jokes in the film. On his second attempt he discovers that he isn't the only person with this idea. Damon Macready (a fantastic Nicolas Cage. Yes you read that right. A fantastic Nicolas Cage) an ex-cop with a personal vendetta against crime boss Frank D'Amico (current rent-a-villain Mark Strong) has turned himself into the Batman like Big Daddy and has trained his daughter Mindy to become Hit Girl. More on her later... Kick Ass, Big Daddy and Hit Girl join forces to fight crime in a whole manner of knife wielding, bone crunching, profanity laden sequences.
The thing you notice with Kick Ass is its pace. The story moves along, the action is varied and well spaced out, the humour is more or less consistent and coming in at under 2 hours (running time being my new most important criteria for how much I enjoy a film) the film (more or less) doesn't outstay its welcome. The writing (by director Vaughn and Jane Goldman) is smart and the performances are excellent. Johnson is terrific in the lead, unafraid to look the fool or take a beating and when he starts enjoying his youtube fame with his alter ego and lands the girl you feel genuinely happy for him. The film ends up being stolen by Cage who is fun and enjoyable for the first time in what feels like decades, his tics and mannerisms perfectly suited to the heightened world of the film. His vocal cadence as Big Daddy, trying to make himself sound more like a superhero (and clearly channeling Adam West in the process) is hilarious. The violence is very strong and will be viewed by many as reprehensible and immoral. I am no fan of violence for violence's sake but the film manages to be fun, entertaining and genuinely funny. I also think the film is cleverer than I thought it would be and is subversive in a way that really surprised me (and in a way that, for me, Watchmen, a film that covers similar ground, isn't) which is why I could stomach the violence.
Which brings us nicely onto Hit Girl... The first time we see twelve year old Mindy she is being shot at by her Dad who is teaching her what the impact of a bullet feels like and why it's nothing to be scared of. It's a brilliant scene, reminiscent of how a parent might teach their child that riding a bike is nothing to be scared of either. The first time we see her alter ego Hit Girl she skewers a villain with a blade that's about a foot longer than she is and says to the room full of henchmen the following line of dialogue.
"Okay you cunts. Let's see what you can do now"
Clearly you're on shaky ground here and I think many people's enjoyment of the film will depend on how they respond to that character. Personally, I think this comes back to the film's intentions and, while I'm not trying to pretend the film doesn't want you to laugh at this notion and also to find it very cool the way she dispatches bad guys in her many fights, shoots outs and other action scenes, I repeat my opinion that I think the film is cleverer than its surface might have you believe. You DO end up viewing her as an adult and this is brought to the surface in a great joke near the end when a teenager, watching Hit Girl's exploits on the internet comments on how hot she is and he friend replies, "Dude, she's like, 11." This idea of the near sexualisation of violence, the almost fetishisation (if that's a word...) of comic book characters and the violence they mete out is put into an interesting light by making the character a 12 year old girl. I think however that alot of people will be put off by the surface notion of what's happening which is fair enough too. I also think it's a question of tone and the fact that Hit Girl's first fight is put to the Banana Splits theme reveals the kind of world we're operating in.
On a more superficial note the action is superbly done. I can't imagine the film's budget was particularly high, certainly not by the standards of most comic book adaptations anyway, but it never feels cheap or skimped upon. Moreover, the action is varied so you're never bored and brilliantly choreographed and directed by Matthew Vaughn. I've said it before, but watch Transformers 2 for a film that has no clue how to depict its action scenes. Every fight and shoot out in Kick Ass is choreographed, shot and edited so I know exactly where I am at any given moment, making the action all the more thrilling and enjoyable for that.
Raging Bull it ain't then but for a fun, funny piece of entertainment you could do alot worse than see Kick Ass.
7.5/10
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